If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
