you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There's even glitter on my cock...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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