You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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