Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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