Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize