There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
