look no pants
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
