we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you traded sex for a burrito?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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