he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think i have two assholes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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