i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
