they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
