I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
