so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
