just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
