i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
