Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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