Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
