The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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