I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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