hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize