Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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