Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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