They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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