why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
