I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is Oprah even human
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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