Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize