This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
