Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
