considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
