So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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