Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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