i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
