mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
