You smell like a Billy Joel song
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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