I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize