You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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