Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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