he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
ttyl tear gas
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
