im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
