I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
