It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
