Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
