Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
