I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize