The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
