It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
