In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
