I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
