trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
