Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
