Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
