I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
