We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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