Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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