I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
