jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
