You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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