I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize