Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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