so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
