She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
