I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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