Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
