# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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