my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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