i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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