Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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