I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
