we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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