Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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