1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
