I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize