i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
