A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
