She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
