Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
