You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
