My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
