Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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