I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
