singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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