Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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