So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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