It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
