They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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