would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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