I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
