maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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