Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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