Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize