We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
