And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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