i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
