Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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