I am in a vortex of obligation.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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