Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
