Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
