i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
