I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
