he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
don't judge my taste in strippers
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
