i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
