I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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