Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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