I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
